A letter to my Mamá

Dear Mamá

It’s been 18 years since you left this world to become my guardian angel and today is your birthday. You would have been 70 today. You have frozen in time for me so I can’t even imagine what you would have looked like today. Probably still glamorous smelling of your favourite Chanel perfume and always wearing your hot pink signature Revlon lipstick.

It’s been 18 years since our last conversation but every single day since, I’ve spoken with you, asked for advice, asked for guidance, shed a tear missing your smell, voice and touch. I’ve cursed you for leaving me here to work this motherhood think out alone but then at the same moment realising you actually showed me every single day what kind of mother to be.

At the time of your passing, I wasn’t a mother. So I had no idea of the pain you were in, not caused by the illness ravaging your body, but the pain you were feeling knowing you were leaving me behind. It was only when I became a mother, that I realised just exactly how much you loved me and how hard the moment you knew you would be leaving me, must have been.

We had a deal when you left.  You would be my guardian angel and it was your job to keep me safe. We didn’t know then, there would be three little ladies to also take care of but I know you are doing just that. You have my three perfect girls in your sights making sure they are healthy, safe and happy, especially during the moments when I can’t be with them. You’ve done an excellent job so far and I thank you.

I do wonder if this was your true calling – Only in heaven could you be in multiple places at once keeping us all safe.

I miss you deeply and thank you for having been the most amazing mother and showing me what mothering looks life.

Happy Birthday to the most caring, sensitive, unassuming but strong woman I ever met.

Te amaré por siempre

pyjamas

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